I think im going to throw up on grandma
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
