What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
