He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
