Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I will be naked everywhere
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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