i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
