Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
