I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
