I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
