she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
