Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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