she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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