i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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