I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
