lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
not ubering you a puppy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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