I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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