I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
