Dual....:-)
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
