how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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