after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
