Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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