I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
