Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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