well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
