nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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