Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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