It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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