I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
