Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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