Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
