Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
