yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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