I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
