you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
