you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
