Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
