I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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