FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My bed smells like the plague
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
