What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
