I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
