Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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