Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
