Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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