And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
