R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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