And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
