Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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