Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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