apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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