Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize