I wish I could punch you in the face.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
