PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
