Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
