Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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