My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
