I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
