So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
