I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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