Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
