Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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