we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
