He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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