we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
