Barsexuality is the new black.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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