please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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