Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
