Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
