Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
