Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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