it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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