I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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