Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
