Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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