Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?