Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.