Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.