I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
