theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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