what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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